I almost drowned in five inches of water a few minutes ago. It seems unlikely for a fully formed adult without any physical disabilities, but it happened. My hair didn’t even get wet. I forgot to breathe. I couldn’t figure out how to get out of the tub. I can’t be productive today, no matter how I try. Here are the reasons:

  • I can’t write in my book because…well because I forgot how to write, I’m not sure what “English” actually is and it’s too much work.
  • I can’t write a document I need to write on the process of evaluating E-Learning because I forgot how to write, I’m not sure what “German” is and it’s too much work.
  • I can’t create illustrations of weird little heroes because I can’t seem to hold a pencil.
  • I can’t research the cloud because I read an article earlier about how the cloud “is the safest place to store your data”, which is total bullshit since the only people to have figured out the cloud are huge corporations that aren’t sharing the knowledge, which feeds my hopelessness.
  • I can’t extend the CMS of either of my pet projects because that would require focus, and my focus ran away.
  • I can’t go outside because the sun is too bright.
  • I can’t sleep because it would be an indicator of an unproductive day.
  • I can’t eat because the process of preparing food is too much work.
  • I can’t read the news because the feeling of hopelessness only increases when I see what a shit storm the world has become.
  • I can’t try and change the shit storm because the problems are too big, I’m too small and my nihilism is preventing me from actually caring.
  • I can’t not care because I’m not really nihilistic and my heart is breaking for the Japanese, the Libyans, the Americans, the Chinese, the Indians, the Europeans, the Africans and the penguins.
  • I can’t laugh at cultural mistakes like this because it feeds my feeling of hopelessness.

Analysis: Neurotransmitters are misfiring. Receptors not receiving. Dopamine levels low. Seratonin seems to be non existent.

Diagnosis: I am depressed.

Treatment: Wait it out, take a mental health day, tomorrow will be better.

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